My entire life I have gone through pain, internal conflict and desolation.  And yet, through it all I have mostly remained optimistic about how my life would turn out.  I was fortunate going from the streets of Chichester, a crippled divorced family and back stabbing friends to getting engaged to a wonderful girl, a rewarding career path and owning a beautiful house.  I was right to be strong and hopeful.  I made it when so many people I know failed or gave up on their dreams.  I am not bragging, just stating that I went through a lot to get where I am.  However, life does not stop when you make it to a certain level of comfort. 

What am I getting at?  Recently I have had to contend with the vicious antics of people I may be forced to call family one day.  Instead of coming home and giving my fiancé a kiss, I am giving her a false pep talk about how everything “will be ok in the end,” when in truth I am not so sure about that myself.  I can’t control the unforgiveable actions that have taken place, and quite frankly I am tired of putting on a front when deep down I want to break someone’s spine in half.  Every time my phone rings I believe someone is just going to tell me the latest gossip or news that will enrage me for the night.

I have stated plainly from day one…me and Michelle are now a family; an element that is a unified entity.  For months we didn’t say a word when everyone was fighting at a time where we had hoped everyone would rally around one another and be happy that we were engaged.  Instead, we had to cancel our engagement party because no one else could get along.  And now we are renounced because we made an independent decision to declaw two cats.  When we make a decision…it happens.  There is no one else to consult; we run the show.  If you don’t like what we do that is fine.  I am not asking my family and friends to agree with my decisions.  I am telling you to accept them.  And quite frankly, this whole situation has proven to me who even cares about Michelle.  I would die for that girl. 

On top of all that drama, our Honeymoon we booked last December was cancelled because the resort we booked will be closing for the next year.  Now we are scrambling to find a place four months before we get married.  Everything is now more expensive or booked because of the timing.  Not to mention the resort we booked was the dream trip we had planned and is the only one of its kind in the Caribbean. 

I have always said that I don’t have to go through other people’s problems, just like they don’t have to go through mine.  I don’t want sympathy.  I don’t want empathy.  I want nothing more to be happy.  I measure my life in happiness, and it is quite true…I have many things to be happy about no matter what happens.  No matter what though…no matter how optimistic I am…was it really that foolish to believe that the most important moment in my life in getting married to Michele would actually go smoothly?  Honestly, is it that hard for people to put their personal feelings aside and just be happy for us? 

And through it all I have had to continue to be the rock, a character I have had to play my entire life.  I have had to be the “bad guy” all the time, and that will continue because no matter what happens to me…I will get through this.  I have no problem cutting out people who do nothing but cause trouble in our lives, no matter who they are.  If you wanted to see the dick side of me, you got it.  I’ll do whatever it takes to protect what I have and ensure we have a happy ending and a “perfect day.” 
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Back? 06/01/2010
 
It has been months since I even looked at this site.  For good reason, of course.  I moved into my new house with my beautiful fiancé and have been getting stabilized over here.  That, and fighting a never-ending collection of bullshit that seems to find its way into our lives, but I digress.

I just wanted to post something here to let some peeps know that I actually plan on updating this piece of junk website again on a regular basis.  It needs a little love.  Get at me:  ClassicJM85@Yahoo.com

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