Note:  I wrote this February 2009 and want to archive it here. 


Hmph.  This jackass is TAKEN and he has the coconuts to talk about the difficulties of being single.”  Survey Says…YES! 

So maybe it’s because I come off intelligent, innocent, naïve or foolish…but many people have been emailing me with stories, questions or concerns.  I am ecstatic at this because this is exactly what I was hoping for.  I do not pretend to be a know it all.  I clearly do not know all.  BUT I am always here to help, and I enjoy sharing my experience with people.  I am all about helping.

Specifically, I have heard a lot of people complaining about being single.  I thought I’d address that in the latest version of this so-call blog.

First of all…being single is NOT a disease.  C’mon people, don’t come off desperate.  No one NEEDS a man or woman in their life.  Love should never be defined as “needing” someone.  Love is about showing affection and wanting someone freely.  You’d want to be with the person you love because you have an emotional relationship with that person.  That person is special.  You didn’t pick someone out because you NEED to be with someone; it’s ok to be alone.

I know, I know…I’m a hypocrite.  It’s easy for me to say all this because I really do have someone.  But I still have my “me” time.  Even those madly in love as I need their free and alone time.

Ok, you came off a bad heart break.  The answer is not to go out looking for a new person in your life.  Collect yourself!  Get your life in order and start the search when you are emotionally ready.  I never liked the idea of being with someone I knew I had no future with.  What is the point of going with someone short term, knowing there is some heart break in your future?

My Ten Tips to Single-itis:

1.  Heart broken?  Time cures all as cliché as that is.  Let it course through your system and don’t rush it.  Talk to friends, write down your thoughts and do what you have to to therapeutically get through it.  I have kept a mini tape recorder in my room for years and have an ongoing audio journal to release my inner demons.  The first step to recovery is to get all of the emotions out of your mind so you can start fresh.  Don’t be rash and start ripping up pictures or throwing out CDs…or at least try not to.  Remember this is about you and even though Heart Break is the worst feeling in the world (I know)…you will and can get through it.

2.  Tired of being alone?  Fair enough.  Maybe it’s time to put yourself back on the market.  But do it smart and make sure you can succeed.  There are a lot of douche guys out there that are looking for one night stands and to play you, ladies.  And guys, there are plenty of gold diggers ready to tug at your heart strings.  The fact is it is a vicious cycle.  So many great men and women get played and end up becoming man-haters or chauvinist pigs.  Don’t put yourself in a position to get played early or your confidence will dwindle.  Take it slow out there! 

3.  Is a dive bar really the way to go?  I have been to enough crappy bars to know I never could find a girl that I’d ever want to be with there.  Does this mean bars only have idiot guys and whore girls?  Absolutely not!  But when you mix alcohol with a serious search at love…I doubt it will work out long term.  Chances are someone gets hurt that night after some bad sex.  Why not try looking in places that are classier or maybe even a place specific to finding people?, People.  I am one of their true stories; I found my present girlfriend on there and we will be celebrating one year this weekend.  GO THERE! 

4.  Being single is not a bad thing!  Love is the ultimate proverbial “icing on the cake.”  You do not really need “love” to survive in the world.  Love produces perhaps the highest and lowest emotions one can experience…but you do not need them to get up in the morning.  If you accept your singleness, you may be able to achieve a great deal.  Take the necessary time to fix the structure of your life before looking for someone to date.  Concentrate on your dreams, goals and maybe even external issues you are dealing with.  Want to lose some weight?  Want to go back to School?  Go for it!  Being single is the best time to evaluate your life.

5.  Separate lust and love.  You do not need to be “taken” to have sex.  Do not confuse that you need someone in the sense that you are horny…and that you need someone because you are truly lonely.  Some singles have the hardest time realizing that they want a night of passion instead of a lifetime of happiness.  Sex is healthy, but I am by no means promoting being a whore.  All I am saying is…make sure you know what you want if you are single. 

6.  Be yourself!  It’s not going to help your cause if you act like something you are not.  You may be able to fool a girl for a few hours…but you’ll never last in a relationship if you are pretending.  If it’s “meant to be” than you’ll be accepted for who you are in the right relationship.  I believe there is someone for everyone.  Thank God my girlfriend accepts my antics!  I pushed the limit when I went to kiss her and then faked her out Ric Flair style.  I got slapped, but she laughed a second later! 

7.  Don’t be desperate.  Again…you do not NEED a partner.  If you feel it is time to look for someone, that’s great!  Be open, screen dates carefully and go for it!  But never EVER try too hard because no one wants to be with someone who will take anything. 

8.  There is no need to try to impress anyone here.  Physical attraction is at least half of the first meeting.  As a former single dude I’d try to lock eyes with every girl I thought was hot.  If they were interested you’d know!  BUT don’t judge a book by its cover.  That hot guy that dances great…he may be a coke head that like wearing pink lace under wear.  Talk about simple topics and get to no one another slowly.  You have nothing to lose when you are single!  Don’t be so arrogant that you are too good for everyone either…you’d be surprised to find out that sincere guys and nice girls do exist.  But you need to get to know them!

9.  Physical attractiveness does say a lot.  I like a view of balcony cleavage as much as anyone, but if the guy is single and looking for something long term…he may be turned off to the drunken chick with the one inch skirt on.  And don’t trust those pink shirted, collar poppin’ fratsters.  They aren’t even legit.  Bastards.

10.  Single?  Don’t stay in and listen to depressing songs in your room alone.  Go out with some friends!  And get advice from truth worthy opposite sex friends.  One of my best friends is female and boy did she help me out a few times when I needed advice.  There are going to be times you feel lonely if you are single.  Keep that chin up and keep moving!  You’ll find someone eventually. 

Hope some of this helps.  I’m here to answer questions if you have any.  The main message is…Single does not equal Bad. 

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