Touchy subject, and yes, maybe even a bit personal.  I think those who are healthy enough to have sexual intercourse and are NOT trying to get a girl preggo are smart enough to use a condom (I hope!).  Condoms are the miracle elastic that help couples to control the world’s ever growing population; though nothing is guaranteed, a condom is still a safer bet than nothing at all.  And Birth control plus a rubber usually equals a safe go of sex.

Condoms don’t grow under pillow cases or secret boxes under your bed.  Can anyone else relate to the embarrassment that is “buying condoms?!”  Especially alone, and god help you if you are a male. 

Again, I realize this could potentially cause unwanted visuals, but forget what happens after you check out of the Pharmacy or wherever you buy your condoms of choice.  I want to speak on the sticky situation one goes through before even thinking about engaging in sex.

I still remember the first time I was alone and got the call.  “Oh by the way, we’re all out.  FYI.”

That was the hint that I was the one who had to get a box…alone.  I stopped by the local Genuardi’s because that was the only thing in between my house and where I was on the road.  Everything felt normal because it hadn’t sunk in that I would need to grab a box of condoms…and get in a checkout line.  They didn’t have a self check out! 

I grabbed the box and then it finally hit me.  Was I being irrational?  I am usually so laid back or I stick my middle finger up to the world and do whatever I wanted anyway.  But for some odd reason…I was afraid to go to a cashier and have them ring up a box of condoms.  As if I didn’t want them to know what my business was.

I panicked.  I HAD to buy something else!!!  In my mind it would not make me look like a horny, stereotypical male that was gonna get lucky at some dive bar that night IF I bought something else.  So I grabbed what any normal person would.

A box of Lucky Charms. 

I confidently strode up to the cashier, a teenage guy who had the look of a high school jock that didn’t want to be working on a Friday night.  I put my two items down…and as if on cue, he giggled as he saw what my purchase was to be.  He tried to hide it…but I knew.  This jackass thought it humorous because I had a box of condoms and a box of Lucky Charms as the ONLY two items I was buying on that eve.  He probably thought “ wow this guy must really need cereal and to get laid this weekend!”  Stupid punk.  I paid, grabbed my stuff and rolled.

Here I am cursing under my breath because he thought it was funny, YET it was I who had the ridiculous desire to buy something with my condoms so it didn’t look like I was desperate.  Being a guy is tougher than you all think.

That was months ago of course.  I have now gotten used to buying the rubber…and I always grab a box of Lucky Charms now to go along with them.  Bonus points if it comes with a prize!  The two items have become my “lucky” charms. 

Can anyone relate, or am I nuts?  Guys, do you feel uncomfortable buying them alone?  Girls, do you feel uncomfortable…or do you know what it is like for us?

Leave a Reply.