Note:  I wrote this blog March 2009 and want to archive it on my own site.

-----------------------------------------

This is more a personal reflection, than a blog.  I’m sorry if it bores everyone else but I need to write.


I just found out that the last girl I went out with is finally dating someone after me.  It took her over a year, but she found someone.  The circle is finally complete.

It took me two months after we broke up to find someone else.  I am happy to say I am still with that wonderful girl and on March 1st I will be celebrating a year of love and happiness.  However on this night I have spent the last 30 minutes reflecting on my Ex and the memories we had in the past.  In fact I called my present girlfriend to see if this was normal!  She said it was.  Michelle is very smart and supportive.  This is the “final chapter” as she put it.

Let’s be honest, you are only so far in your love life as your last relationship.  I was still in some ways linked and worried about my Ex because here I was happy…and she was still alone.  I know that sounds crazy, but she was my first love and it’s hard to just turn your brain off like that.  We ended badly, but months later made peace.  I was fortunate enough to have Michelle to lean on.

I was “over” my Ex as it may be put, but I never forgot those times or memories.  I have no regrets about things ending; obviously both of us moved on and are happy.  It was important to me that we mended and did not hate one another.  I was truly heart broken when our relationship ended…but I found the love of my life because of it and I became a stronger person.  That heart break turned into boundless love for my Michelle.

But in order to truly complete the circle…I needed my Ex to go out with someone after me.  And now she has and well, it brought a lot of different feelings in me.  Happiness for her, some confusion, sadness and anger.  I have never had to deal with this…I never had to watch an Ex date anyone other than me because I have only been in two relationships.  It’s harder than I thought to see it happen because you almost feel like…didn’t those times mean anything?  YET I was in a relationship way before she was LoL!  And yet I still felt that way.  I have been truly happy and in love for almost a year now…and here I am for thirty minutes feeling like “wow…it really is over.”  That’s the ability to be human I guess.

I can take refuge in the fact that we patched things up.  I am extremely happy for her.  Her new man will find out how wonderful she is.  And so I sit here with my drink held high in toast.  This one is for you Laur.  I look back and I see a young couple that needed to grow, and we did together.  It was only fitting that our band was “Young Love” because it defined our relationship so well.  I always said I would rather you be happy…and I hope you finally are.  Congrats.  <3

I am so proud that I can say this to my Ex while I am dating my own wonderful girl.  When relationships end we usually dwell on the heartbreak or anger…and I did for the longest time.  It’s not worth it.  More memories are blocked in society because usually when a relationship ends all those good times…are gone.  I know so many people who break up and act like that relationship never happened.  Such wasted memories…

I can’t describe how happy I am now in life…where I can say that relationship was great and the ending led me to the love of my life, Michelle. 

Your first love is special.  It can never be replicated.  I have moved on from the 21 year old guy sitting on the playground at the park, talking with his girlfriend about naming their daughter “Jubilee”…but I won’t forget him.  Or her.  It made me the person I am today.
 


Comments




Leave a Reply